One Ticket to Life, Please

I’ve lost a lot of friends these past few months, and I’ve been trying my damn near hardest to not lose any more. I know, I know, here I go with the passive-aggressive complaining, but what is tumblr if not a place for passive-aggressive complaining? So here I am- laying it on ya.

I’m being lied to. To my face sometimes. Most of the time I’m being lied to by people not saying anything at all though. And I’m so tired of it.

I’m not trying to paint myself as the figure of perfect friendship. I am far from it. I have lied, I have cheated, I have deceived, stolen boyfriends, stolen friends, left friends to fend for themselves.

I’ve done it. Not often, but I’ve done it. Who hasn’t? Nobody’s perfect.

So believe me when I say I don’t expect my friends to be. But I’m tired of people lying to me. I am. And I’ve tried really hard to not lie to people for a long time now. But it’s hard! It’s hard not to lie to people when they hurt you so bad over and over again.

But it’s okay. I’m still here for you and always will be. Of course. It doesn’t matter how often you break my heart or stand me up or LIE TO MY FACE, I will still be here for you.

Fuck this! Fuck this to the fucking ground! I don’t know if that’s a real phrase but I’m making it one now.

Fuck this! Who the fuck do you fucking think you are? Oh, Stina’s been my friend since we were 15 fucking years old- she’ll be my friend through anything. Oh…shit..Stina’s mad at me for something I did to hurt her? Let me pull the old “But Stina, I know I’m a fuckup but youre the only friend I have who’s always there for me. Please give me another chance” card.

PUT THE CARD AWAY. I’M SO SICK OF THIS SHIT. I’M SICK OF IT. ALL I WANT TO DO IS SEND YOU A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE “SO YOU’RE LYING TO ME AGAIN, YOU SACK OF SHIT?” TEXT BUT I WON’T DO IT.

Instead, I’ll sit here and send a passive aggressive post to my tumblr. Which will make me feel better actually.

And you know what, as long as I’m being passive aggressive and complainy about my friends let’s just lay it out there…

HALF OF MY FRIENDS SUCK. Maybe more than half! I can’t say I have many good friends left in my life. I could probably count them on one hand.

And more are dropping every month. I can’t handle this. This is supposed to be real life? Nobody? Nobody sticks with you through the rough times? Nobody thinks “Oh yeah, Stina hasn’t been around…maybe it’s not because she’s a flaky bitch, but because she works two jobs and goes to grad school.”

No? Nobody? No takers? Alrighty.

I’m really tired of people telling me they never see me, they wanna see me, they wanna hang out with me, they wanna catch up…but then they HANG OUT IN LONG ISLAND..WHERE I LIVE…ALTOGETHER…WITH OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW..AND NOBODY TELLS ME ABOUT IT…AND WHAT?

What? Am I just supposed to show up at Social random nights of the week and hope my “Friends” are there?! That’s bull! Bull. Bull.

And this grad school shit…sucks. You make really good friends in one class, and then the next semester you have new classes with new people and you either have to do it all over again or you sit in the empty row and wallow. WALLOW.

And you never get to see your old friends because everyone in grad school commutes and it’s fucking late at night and nobody wants to hang around school any longer than we need to.

And I can’t blame them for that. I don’t blame them for that.

But it sucks. It sucks. I have no friends around me, I have no friends in my classes, I have no friends in Lindenhurst, I have no friends around me anymore.

I just…don’t understand where I went wrong.

Okay. I know where I went wrong with my sorority. Somewhat. I don’t understand how it spiraled out of control and everyone in my sorority hates me for something, but I can understand where I originally went a little south. But what I think I might have done wrong doesn’t account for the fact that I seem to have no friends in my sorority anymore at all…that part doesn’t make any fucking sense to me.

But it’s clear I don’t. And instead of complaining about it, I really should stop showing up to their shit cause it just upsets me.

Speaking of things which upset me, which I suppose is the entire point of this post, I can’t believe you. I can’t…fucking believe you. Do you know I changed my entire birthday plan because of you? That we didn’t go ANYWHERE I wanted to go, because of you? We didn’t do Long Island, even though EVERYONE but you could do Long Island..because I hadn’t seen you in forever and wanted to? So..we did the city…and you don’t show up?!?! AN HOUR BEFORE? YOU TELL ME AN HOUR BEFORE? Bullshit. I call bullshit on you and your fucking excuses and never inviting me anywhere, and never being around and I didn’t pull this shit when you graduated so don’t even fucking tell me I did.

I don’t want to lose any more friends. I really don’t. But I can’t stand closing my eyes to this bullshit over and over again with the same fucking people. So this is my goodbye. And you don’t even get to see it. And you don’t even get to know why. Because I’m tired of this. Get the fuck away from me. For good.